Monologue: I’m sorry

I’m sorry

I’m sorry I never got the chance to be the girl you wanted me to be. The one that goes around places and meets new people and knows is fabulous.

I’m sorry for not being brave enough to tell you how I feel about you. I’ve always hid my own emotions, portraying the image of being the perfect girl that doesn’t need anyone. But the thing is that I’ve always needed someone. Someone to tell me that I’m good enough, because of me.

I really wanted to be like everyone else. Tall, slim, intelligent, pretty… the one who became friends with everyone and was so popular and everyone looked at just to have some fun. I mean, that can be something cool right? The feeling of being needed by someone because of the physical and emotional traits you have….

But I’m not. Whenever I try to be cool I fail, whenever I try to be athletic, pretty, fierce, talented I only meet failure. Because that’s what I am. A failure as a journalist, as a writer, as a model, as a sister, cousin, friend, daughter, woman…

I’ve only had two boyfriends in my life. They were good at first but in reality they were monsters. Again, I’m sorry for not being enough to make those relationship last. I’m sorry for letting it all go to waste because they couldn’t give me a proper reason of why they didn’t loved me anymore.

I’m sorry for giving too much to someone who barely knew me. I’m sorry for being so direct to you, for telling you how I feel right from the start, I’m sorry for not being the little girl you used to lie about hanging out with your friends. I’m sorry for being that coworker who always annoyed you whenever I offered my help with any task. I’m sorry for being the only person who wanted to genuinely know more about your personal life.

I’m sorry, for everything. But I’m mostly sorry to myself. For not realizing that I was hanging out with the wrong friends, for not being myself when I was acting like everybody else, for letting myself down whenever a partner didn’t respected me, for changing my ways instead of being sincere, just because I wanted to impress. I thought I was a failure when in reality I was a bright star that never really got the chance to shine.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! For not being brave enough to be free.

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